turtles shell

we were standing in the middle of bourbon, bikes in one hand, beer in the other. like i was the night before, my eyes open to a mad carnival; from dream to frolic, instantaneous, miraculous bender. it was only one in the morning and you were wearing your green dress, the weird one that looks like a quilt. you, smirking, laughing at all the same shit...a spring break but older and  somehow more naive, like baby but aged, incestuous, euphoric. the 45ers, the suits, casuals, children, italians, blacks, strippers, wives, bouncers and barkers and familiars all come out for familiar incests...a place where beauty and terror dance. so my eyes drift down to your bike, your red bianchi, that well lubricated machine i made sure would fit. every person that enters my sight i take them in just like this highlife one after the other and it goes down real easy. its like a beer-people montage, a sip-seeing alternator that is surrounding us, invading, and distracting one another from the fact that only two words have passed between us in this place. your blushing as you lean over and to reach in and get a kiss. its just a quick one on the lips, so i draw you in a little bit closer, keep you there just half a second longer...

i've been hold up in this house for over three days now. completely hermitized, getting kind of sic of that 'whats goin on with you' look that my roommates give me. so what if i'm depressed, so what if i wallow in my own shit for days on end. to simply forget and move forward is to forfeit anything i could have gained over the last two years, anything i might have become, or wish to not continue to become. on the contrary, i rummage through these memories like clothes in the free pile, and i inspect every fabric, color, and fit, hopeful that each item will be something to take home and i do, do i look good in this?


my body cant forget. your lying next to me and it thinks i'm touching her. as if i could dream with my fingers, how stupid! i shake myself awake to you lying next to me, and take in your scent greedily as the air fills my lungs. i exhale slowly, carefully, and pass over each deformity and defining feature to confirm what my mind already knows is bluish grey in this luminescent laptop radiance. every skin is unique to itself, a one-off deviant, and yours is fucking brilliant! i imagine its telling me the things people dont say but want to, and all the things i dont say anymore. this is the weathered exterior of a soft, generous creature, BEHOLD, the turtles shell. these exceptional moments, little inbetweens, theyre like mutual mercy fucks. i'll kiss the back of your neck when you fall asleep, hold you half of the night, in the morning i'll have left without goodbyes. and the words came out feeling like the whole world sitting on top of us, it was telling us not to be there. so i held my tongue and simply waited it out. i was too busy anyway, being completely absorbed in the half a second you let yourself be vulnerable. and i thought "if these hands learn a new skin i'll feel human again." but its complicated after all, were all trying to remember and forget, to learn a new skin.